Ways To Annoy Twilight Characters
by i.eat.sugar.for.breakfast
Summary: A bunch of ways to annoy each of the Twilight characters. Even if you don't like the series, you might like these. SPOILER ALERT!


**I just felt like doing this. I don't really know why I felt like doing this, I guess I was just really bored early in the morning. Also, I only thought of a few of them. The rest belong to numerous Twi-tards. This is really long and some of them would only be safe if you were a vampire.**

**Disclaimer:**

**Roses are red,**

**Violets are blue,**

**I don't own Twilight,**

**And neither do you.**

Edward

Refuse to be dazzled.

Tell him Mike has a crush on him.

Call him a wimp for dying of the flu.

Tell him Bella is pregnant.

It's Jacob's.

It's Mike's.

It's Carlisle's.

It's Emmett's.

It's Jasper's.

It's his.

Everybody was drunk and nobody has a clue who the father is.

Throw him into a crowd of crazy fangirls.

Tell him Jacob is in love with him.

Mike too.

Every time Bella tells him she loves him, bring up the times when she made out with Jacob.

Think about kissing Bella, a lot.

Drive really slow.

Roll in glitter then run around shouting, "I'm Edward! I'm Edward!"

Walk up to him and ask, "Aren't you that guy from Harry Potter?"

Tell him to use a condom next time.

Change his ringtone to "Like A Virgin" by Madonna.

Have your friends stalk him obsessively. When he tries to kill them, say, "Nuhuhuh, I'll tell your daddy," while waggling your finger at him. Make sure the finger you waggle was cut previously so that there's blood on the end.

Mail him a llama. When he asks why, say, "Why not?"

Whenever he argues or complains, say "What are you gonna do Edward, go to Italy?"

Bella

Ask her if she would rather have an air-conditioner or a space-heater.

Tell Mike that she dumped Edward and wants to go on a date with him.

Constantly remind her of what happened when Edward left.

Ask her if she liked kissing a dog.

Jasper

Talk in a really bad Texas accent around him.

Try and fix his hair.

Wave a bloody hand in front of his face.

Call him a walking, talking "chill pill."

Lock in a room with a bi-polar girl who is PMS-ing.

Make fun of him for being the only one, besides Esme, who doesn't have a car.

Sign him up for a blood drive.

Ask him to be your square dancing partner.

Ask him why he is always so quiet and depressed. Before he can answer, look at his arm and say, "Jasper! Emos cut themselves, not bite!

Spell his name with two a's and go around calling him Jaspar Cullen.. Whenever he says his name is Jasper Hale, tell him the blood must be doing something to his brain.

Splatter red paint all over his and Alice's room. Video tape his reaction.

Alice

Take her favorite outfits and dangle them above your hear, telling her to, "Jump for them!"

Do the same thing while standing in werewolf territory.

Keep walking across the border so she keeps losing you.

Ask her how your wedding to Jacob will be.

Tell her yes, that dress does make her look fat.

Total her Porsche.

Tell her that Bella said yes to Edward, the wedding is tomorrow, and that she has to plan the whole thing in five minutes.

Steal all her credit cards.

Run through her closet with a paintball gun, flamethrower, chainsaw, or all three.

Let Jasper in on it and tell him to distract Alice.

Ask her what you will be doing in five minutes every ten minutes.

Change your mind 100,000 times a day.

Make plans to kiss Jasper. Several times a day.

Emmett

Remind him that Bella can beat him in an arm-wrestling match.

Tell him steroids aren't the answer.

Call him an overprotective teddy bear.

Constantly compare him to Kellan Lutz.

Tell him he looks like a creepy stalker rapist.

Cast him as the creepy stalker rapist in a film you're directing.

Switch all the music on his iPod to classical.

Try to stab him with a pencil.

Tell him Rosalie left him for Jacob. Get Jacob to back you up.

Dress him in a terrible outfit and lock him in the mall with Alice.

Rosalie

Break all her mirrors and tell her that her face did it.

Tell her that Edward didn't go to Italy because he thought Bella was dead, but because he thought of her ugly face.

Call her a dumb blonde.

Tell her that Emmett secretly thinks that Bella is hotter.

Ask who she liked better, Emmett or Royce.

Pay ten guys to go up to her and say, "Ew."

Set her up on a blind date with Jacob.

Ask her why Edward didn't like her.

Claim that being human ain't so great.

Remind her that Edward chose a human over her.

Find Jacob's list of unfunny dumb blonde jokes and say one every 30 seconds.

Drag her on a wall shopping spree at WalMart.

Carlisle

Give the rest of the family red color contacts.

Go to the hospital to try and make him go insane by using a fan to blow the scent into his face.

Or splash some of the patients' blood in his face.

When he asks what you're doing, tell him that he looked thirsty.

Esme

Tell her what Carlisle really does during night shifts, with all the pretty nurses.

Tell her Carlisle is much too old for her.

Inquire as to how she jumped off of a cliff and survived.

When she can't answer, ask if she's secretly Batman.

Jacob

Tell him Edward is in love with him.

Mike too.

Tell him he got Alice pregnant.

When he says he didn't, say, "You don't remember that party at all?"

Give him chew toys for Christmas.

Tell him that he's Remus Lupin and Sirius Black's child.

When he says no, mention that his last name is Black and that he's a werewolf.

Next time you go to La Push, bring a bunch of silver bullets.

When the pack asks why, say, "Just in case."

Ask him how he's doing with his fleas.

Buy him a cat, name it Edward, then cry if he doesn't like it.

Take his pants while he's in wolf form.

When he walks into a room, say, "No shirt, no shoes, no service."

Push him into the ocean and complain that he smells like wet dog.

Send him love letters.

Sign them Edward.

Remind him that he lost to an old man.

Call him a pedophile.

When he argues, ask why he fell in love with a baby.

When he says he had no choice, call him a sicko.

Make him watch The Adventures of Shark Boy and Lava Girl.

Afterwards, ask him is he thought Taylor Lautner was hot.

If he says yes, call him gay.

Or conceited.

Ask him if Edward dazzles him.

Refuse to believe him when he says no.

Ask him if he knows the only thing worse than imprinting on a two-year-old girl. When he asks, tell him that it's imprinting on a two-day-old girl who just so happens to be the human/vampire off-spring of your former best friend and her vampire husband.

Paint his motorcycle hot pink.

Charlie

Tell him whose child Renesmee really is.

Tell him Bella is pregnant, but unsure if the father is Edward, Carlisle, Jacob, or Mike because she was drunk that night.

Send him a tape of Edward climbing into Bella's window.

Steal his cop car.

Start a high speed chase with it.

The Cullens/Hales

Tell them they all need tans.

Tell everybody at school that Edward and Bella broke up.

Give the guys Bella's number and the girls Edward's number.

Tell them you're going to be a vampire for Halloween and ask where they got their costumes.

Replace all the blood in their house with red Kool-Aid.

Take pictures of their reactions when they drink it.

Clean out their house and throw everything into werewolf territory.

Order tombstones for all of them.

When they ask why, tell them you provoked the Volturi and blamed it on them.

Then actually do it.

Tell them that when they die, they're going to Hell.

Remind them of the statements three and four lines above this.

Have a day when they all circle up and talk about their problems.

Make them famous so they have to change their names.

Recommend Cedric for Edward.

Sign them all up for a modeling contest.

**Check out 20 Things To Do At Walmart: Cullen Style, after I write it.**


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